A Conversation With God* (*NOW WITH MORE T-REX)
Me: God, can I ask You a question?
Me: Promise You won’t get mad
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
Me: My car took forever to start
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right
Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn’t work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
GOD: I didn’t let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn’t want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn’t afford to miss work.
God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn’t even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
Me (softly): I see God
God: Oh and that foot massager–
(SUDDENLY, A T-REX BURSTS INTO THE ROOM.)
Me: Oh, God, what do we do?
God: This… is definitely unexpected
Me: U mean you didn’t make this happen?
God: Not that I recall
Me: What should we do, God, should we distract it?
God: I… guess so?
Me: It’s going to eat me!
God: It’s not going to eat you
Me: Wut u mean, God, it’s a T-Rex!
God: Just be still, my child. Trust me.
Me: Okay, I will trust You.
(THE T-REX SNORTS AND WALKS OUT OF THE ROOM.)
Me: Oh my God, you were right!
God: Of course I was. A T-Rex’s vision is based on movement. Also, I could tell from the blood on his jaws that he’d recently eaten, probably on a young sauropod, from the looks of things.
Me: I’m sorry I doubted you, God.
God: No reason to be sorry. Just know that my plan for your day is Always Better than your plan, Jeff.
Me: … My name’s Aaron.
God: Oh… In that case, I may have been wrong about your car and the sandwich. Also, the T-Rex was really left field. But still, I’m probably usually right, just trust me.
Me: I will God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.
God: You’re welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children…
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