The Night Before Christmas* (*NOW WITH MORE T-REX)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar plums danc’d in their heads,
And Mama in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap —

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters, and threw up the sash.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a full-grown tyrannosaur, his mouth full of deer.
“What the devil!” I said, alarmed and stared down
At the T-Rex before me, and soiled my gown.

The creature turned sharply, at my sudden shout,
Sniffing the air with its great bloody snout,
And it stepped towards the house, with its giant clawed toes,
And crushed a small sleigh that was parked in the snow.

Mama, by this time, had laid eyes on the ‘Rex,
And I covered her mouth, lest a scream further vex,
And I held her to me, and whispered in haste,
“Our movement is what T-Rex vision is based!”

He stepped toward the house, his nose sniffing the air,
He knew there was prey, but for now, knew not where.
The shutters did rattle with each step that he took,
And my teeth went a’chatter, and my arms and legs shook,

But still we did stay, as his nose touched the shutter,
And we both held our breath, so no sound we would utter,
When suddenly David, our youngest of boys,
Opened our door, to study the noise.

And stopping all thought, I rushed to the door,
Provoking the ‘Rex to let out a roar,
And the scream now came quick, from Ma by the bed,
And now I was sure that quite soon we’d be dead —

When the dinosaur stopped, and his eyes rolled around,
And to our surprise, he fell straight to the ground.
Everything shook with a terrible rumble,
And I crept back to see what had made the beast tumble.

The ‘Rex lay below, a long dart in his neck,
And a man in red robes held a gun on the deck,
He stepped to the beast, and he gave it a kick,
And I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

St. Nick gave a sigh, for the T-Rex was beaten,
But not before several deer had been eaten,
He stood there in front of the slumbering beast,
And called out the names that had been a ‘Rex feast.

“Now! Dasher, now! Dancer, now! Prancer and Vixen,
“On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Donder and Blitzen;”
Why he called them by name, I at first did not know,
But from the beast’s mouth there now came a strange glow.

And the gun in Nick’s hand, strip’d in red and in white,
Began also to glow with a brilliant light,
When, what to my wondering eyes did appear,
From the jaws of the ‘Rex, eight living reindeer.

They swept out of the mouth, as St. Nick waved the gun,
But here, the night’s magic had only begun,
With a sweep of his arm, at what remain’d of the sleigh,
It righted itself, and all hurt poofed away.

His eyes — how they twinkled! His dimples: how merry,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;
He twirled his gun, which now seemed a wand,
As a bundle sprang forth from the beast there in slumber.

The bundle of toys flew then straight to his hand,
And he shook as he laughed, what a marvelous man!
He turned then to us, Mama, David, and I,
And gave Dave a wink, with a gleam in his eye.

He opened the bag, and pulled out a toy,
And quick with a spark, it flew straight to my boy.
The three of us laugh’d, the horror now done,
Fix’d by St. Nick and his magical gun.

The rest of the children now rushed in to spy
What transpir’d in front of Ma and David and I.
Their eyes bulged out wide at the sight down below,
A giant T-Rex and St. Nick in the snow.

He gave us a wink, the jolly fat wizard,
And sprung to his sleigh from the thunderous lizard,
He placed his gun in a rack, and he tied up the deer,
He threw the toys in the back, and danced with good cheer.

He sprung to the seat, and then gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight —
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

O I wish I could say that all had been mended,
That Christmas had come, and terror had ended.
I had thought we had faced all the trials we could take,
When the T-Rex below us
Began to awake.