A Conversation With God* (*NOW WITH MORE T-REX)

Me: God, can I ask You a question?

God: Sure

Me: Promise You won’t get mad

God: I promise

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do u mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late

God: Yes

Me: My car took forever to start

God: Okay

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait

God: Hmmm

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call

God: All right

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn’t work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

GOD: I didn’t let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn’t want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn’t afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn’t even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager–

(SUDDENLY, A T-REX BURSTS INTO THE ROOM.)

God: Jesus!

Me: Oh, God, what do we do?

God: This… is definitely unexpected

Me: U mean you didn’t make this happen?

God: Not that I recall

Me: What should we do, God, should we distract it?

God: I… guess so?

Me: It’s going to eat me!

God: It’s not going to eat you

Me: Wut u mean, God, it’s a T-Rex!

God: Just be still, my child. Trust me.

Me: Okay, I will trust You.

(THE T-REX SNORTS AND WALKS OUT OF THE ROOM.)

Me: Oh my God, you were right!

God: Of course I was. A T-Rex’s vision is based on movement. Also, I could tell from the blood on his jaws that he’d recently eaten, probably on a young sauropod, from the looks of things.

Me: I’m sorry I doubted you, God.

God: No reason to be sorry. Just know that my plan for your day is Always Better than your plan, Jeff.

Me: … My name’s Aaron.

God: Oh… In that case, I may have been wrong about your car and the sandwich. Also, the T-Rex was really left field. But still, I’m probably usually right, just trust me.

Me: I will God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You’re welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children…

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