Do you remember your last holiday?
When you and your Mommy travelled away?
And Daddy stayed home, with much work to do,
Even though he’d have liked to travel with you?
Well, the night before you and your Mommy came home,
Daddy was having an evening alone,
Baking some muffins with apples and cream,
And making sure all of the dishes were clean.
The kittens were fed and the beds were all made,
The shelves were all dusted and the bills were all paid.
And Daddy had fixed the bad cabinet door,
That Mommy had asked him to do months before.
Daddy was just getting ready for bed,
Excited to think of the morning ahead,
He had muffins for you, and had bought you new toys,
But suddenly Daddy heard a strange noise.
It was a low chuckle, a strange little snicker,
The laughs started slow, but soon became quicker,
And the toilet swirled and out through the hole
Burst a grinning and wet unpredictable troll.
“What in the world!” cried Daddy on sight,
But the troll only clapped his troll hands with delight,
And it jumped through the house, and it skipped and it pranced,
And wiggled its bum in a little troll dance.
“Stop!” Daddy said. “You must leave here right now!”
“Why you’re here I care not, nor do I care how!”
“But my family is coming home in one day,”
“You’re not welcome here, so you must go away!”
“That’s too bad!” laughed the troll, “for I’m here for some fun!”
“You’ll have some explaining to do when I’m done!”
And with that, the troll kicked in the cabinet door,
And dumped all the dishes all over the floor.
It grabbed all the muffins with apples and cream,
And gobbled them whole, as if from a bad dream,
And it pushed your new toys in the sink garbage grinder,
Along with the bills and the payment reminders.
And then it popped open each bottle of beer,
To make it appear Daddy’s friends had been here,
And ordered the movies that Mommy won’t watch,
And drank down the rum, and emptied the scotch.
It even took food from each of the kittens,
And destroyed all the things that Mommy had written:
Instructions for Daddy, and the time of arrival,
The things Daddies need to know for survival.
And with all of the house in complete disarray,
The muffins all gone, your gifts ground away,
The dishes all scattered, and covered in grime,
The troll clapped his hands in glee of his crime.
And Daddy said, “Please! Please fix this right now!”
“There’s little time left to turn this around!”
And the foul little troll only giggled and said,
“There’s less time than you think, when you’ll wake from your bed.”
Said the troll, “This was fun! I suppose I’ll be off!”
And into the toilet it jumped with a splosh,
And waved a goodbye as it swirled down the hole,
Leaving Daddy alone, now a poor worn-down soul.
And even though nothing had been Daddy’s fault,
He decided to bring all this mess to a halt.
He would fix all again while there was still time,
Even though, you must see, this was not Daddy’s crime.
But the little troll’s mischief was not yet complete,
For magically, Daddy forthwith fell asleep.
And he slept through the night and he slept through the morning,
Until you and your Mommy arrived without warning.
And sadly, for Mommy believes not in trolls,
She falsely thought Daddy played the principal role,
The troll was long gone, leaving only poor dad,
And that, my dear child, is why Mommy is mad